14. God Told Me To (1976)

God_Told_Me_To_movieDay 8 was just a day of enormous disappointment. First 5ive Girls, then God Told Me To. The premise of this movie is that there are a series of seemingly random mass murders, and the killer in each one says that God told them to do the killings. Larry Cohen directed this, and I love his It’s Alive and The Stuff (I even have both of those on DVD), so I was expecting a lot. Unfortunately, it was actually pretty boring and convoluted, so much so that I don’t even want to write a big entry about it.

Our hero is a really religious detective who has a lot of boring interactions with his girlfriend (he lives with her) and his wife (he visits her sometimes). He lies to his girlfriend about going home to his wife when really he is going to Mass a lot. These God killings really upset him because he is religious, which he talks about all the time.

He interviews some people and it turns out that each killer had been talking to a blond dude with long hair and a blurry face before they did the killings. The detective does detective things and figures out the name of the blond guy and that he was born to a virgin mother. Then he does more detective things and figures out that his mom was a virgin too. Neither of these things actually have to do with God though, as it turns out that they are both human-alien hybrids and all virgin births throughout history (including Jesus) were just aliens. Also, if you are half alien you have special powers that make you glow and allow you to control other people, which is how the blond guy convinced those people to kill in the name of God.

Detective with alien powers.

Detective with alien powers.

The detective uses his alien power to make drug dealers kill each other. Then we learn that he also used his powers to make his wife have lots of miscarriages. Finally, he goes to find the blond alien guy and they talk to each other and the blond guy wants to have his baby, because it turns out that he has a vagina on his chest.  I would post a picture, but I don’t want my blog to be labeled “adult content.” Then the detective alien beats the crap out of him, and the building catches on fire.

Alien with glowy alien powers.

Alien with glowy alien powers.

It is kind of like the end of a Dario Argento film, actually.

Overall, dumb and boring.

Script: 4/10

Concept before we find out they are just aliens: 7/10

Chest vagina: 7/10

Level of interest I maintained throughout the film: 4/10

Anne rating: 5.5


~ by Anne Harding on October 11, 2009.

4 Responses to “14. God Told Me To (1976)”

  1. LAME!

  2. Post the picture! Plz!

  3. the best thing about this movie is the utter fakeness of that vagina. the only thing about it

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